We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
