Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
