I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize