i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
