Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she told me i tasted like america
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
