this beer tastes like vomit already
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
