Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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