There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
