By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
