i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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