It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
