why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize