First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
