WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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