..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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