haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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