Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
