My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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