i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
