Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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