all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
