He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
