Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
