The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
