i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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