i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
