Banned from zoo.
Again?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize