I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
