tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You are the jesus of drinking
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
