am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
