when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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