someone threw a dead crab at me
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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