I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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