i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
