woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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