When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
