wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize