Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
zippers are such a cool invention
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize