I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
