This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
