Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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