All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
