Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
