So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
