Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
