I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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