My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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