So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
