Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
