false alarm. still invincible.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
