need another drink. this is the easiest way
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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