Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
