Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
COCAINE IS GR8
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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