I just made out with a guy for $7.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize