Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
