problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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