im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We are two peas in an std pod
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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