Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
