She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
