he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
