I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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