..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
