omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
