i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
