I accidentally burped into my bong.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
