I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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