I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
