New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
