Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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