I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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