so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
