i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
