even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
