Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
