i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
