i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
you never un-have a 4some
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
