i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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