y did u give ur computer a hand job?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
