how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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