Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
