I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
