I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize