I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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