The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
