You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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