the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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