Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Randomize
