So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
