Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
