i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
