I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize