He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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