When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Blood and glitter go together right?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
last night I used snow as a chaser
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
