you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
