I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
