Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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