It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
