Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
