White coat. Heels.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
