Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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